Happy Birthday Princess!

Happy 29th Birthday Court! You used to joke you you thought you would never make it to 30. I wish you hadn’t made that joke. I would always call you to wish you a Happy Birthday but then told you to wish me a “Happy Birth…Day” Today is a special day for me too, because it’s the day I birthed my child.

I remember that after something like 36 hours of labor they did a c-section, and I never saw your actual birth. I knew it was early in the morning when they prepped me for the surgery and the next thing I knew I woke up in an empty hospital room. I looked over at the clock and it said 1:30. I called for the nurse and your dad and asked, “What did I have?” Your dad told me we had a beautiful baby girl. He was the first one to meet you and held you when you were born.

“Would you like to see her?” The nurse asked. “Of course I want to see her!” I exclaimed thinking why wouldn’t I? Was something wrong with the baby? They brought you in and I remember thinking, is that my baby? You looked so perfect and beautiful, I couldn’t believe you were mine! I couldn’t believe I had a daughter. I cried from joy and exhaustion! I did it, I was a mom! I always wanted to be a mom. I had lost my own mother when I was just 22 and was sad she wasn’t here to meet you, but I suspected that she knew she had a grandchild. I knew she was proud of both of us, her girls.

Being the youngest, I didn’t have experience with babies and it scared me when we brought you home to the Campbellville house. I was glad my sister, your Aunt Kathy,  came to help and remember the day she arrived. I had you bundled up and placed next to the fireplace. I thought you were cold, but you kept crying. She immediately came in and saw how red you were and said, you were hot, not cold. God was I naïve and inexperienced.  It’s a miracle you survived at all!

It took you awhile before you had any hair. I would dress you in such cute girl clothes and still people would ask, “How old is he?” You and I would laugh about that. It was one of the many things we laughed at. I was so lucky to have given birth to not only a daughter but to my best friend.

It’s been just 7 months since your tragic passing and I still can’t believe you’re not here.You grew up to be such a beautiful young lady. You had a killer smile, an infectious laugh and was so incredibly smart. Anyone who met you, never forgot you, you touched people’s souls from the start.

I hope they have birthday parties in heaven. I hope you are having a gluten-free, soy free cake or did your celiac disappear in heaven? If so, I hope you are having a double chocolate cake and there are lots of balloons. I hope your soul is at peace. I hope you can see what a difference you are making in so many people’s lives here on earth! That your caring spirit lives on.

I miss you Court; I miss hearing you call me mom. Death does not lessen our love for each other, we will always have that special Mother -Daughter bond and we will always share our “Birth-Day”

Love you to the moon and back… forever!
Mommy