Happy 30th Birthday Courtney!

Happy 30th Birthday Courtney! Today marks the day our strong and special forever bond started. I always wanted a girl and back when you were born gender reveals were not a popular thing. When I found out that my new baby was a girl, I immediately knew I was blessed with more than just a daughter, but a best friend for life.

I was not disappointed; we had a connection like no other. “Twinning”, you’d always say when we finished each other’s sentences and twins we were. Not only did we look alike, we laughed alike, spoke the same and genuinely enjoyed just being together.

When you were old enough to be on your own, you would call or text me every day, heck, multiple times a day! In fact, sometimes I would answer the phone, “Are you Okay?”, because I always worried about you. But mostly you would laughing respond, “ I’m fine Mom just needed your advice. But before I ask you, How are you doing?” You always wanted to make sure I was ok too.

I was reading one of your journals from rehab and am so glad you, like myself, always expressed yourself in writing. I can hear your voice as I read your words of wanting so desperately to beat your addiction to alcohol . How you knew it was poisoning you but also acutely aware of how hard it is to overcome addiction. You knew it was poison, your words, and were determined to take control of your life back.

I was so proud when you reached each month of sobriety and your vision of giving back to others. In your journal you wrote, “I hope reading this will help even one person beat this addiction” You had the idea of giving back, of rewarding grads with purses and wanted to become a counsellor to help others.

Your simple idea has exploded to help thousands of others to take those “5 minutes” and even for a short time, realize everything is ok. That you can do it and you can encourage others to as well. Remember, I would always say when you were overwhelmed, “How do you eat an elephant?, One bite at a time”

I can never express in mere words the pain and ache I carry every second, every day . To say I miss you does not describe the hole in my heart. I long to hug you, talk to you , sing with you, dance in the kitchen with you and most of all laugh with you.

Today you are 30 and I am as proud of you as I always have been. I hope they have birthday parties in heaven and everyone is celebrating with you!

I gave you life 30 years ago; you became my life and you will always be my special angel. I see signs you send and feel you are with me every step of the way. I am confident we will be together again someday. I hold you in my heart and say your name every day. I will not forget you. I cherish and love you more than you will ever know.

Happy 30th Birthday, my darling daughter, my princess. I love you to heaven and back.